She curled up in a little spent ball in the bed beside him, yawning contently. The nasty bruises from the bomb and bullets now had company. Little hand marks around her wrist, scratches over her hips, but she felt better now. Grounded. Finally, for the first time in days, with her head nuzzled into his chest, she fell asleep, her dreams seeping in around her.

Acheron looked over at Brigade, rolling his eyes. Picking a lock in the middle of a bad neighborhood would get them all shot later, and s/he reached out for the knob, the slightest pressure of magic, and a click, and s/he opened it. "Well I guess we could always use magic." was all the stupid one had to say. Of course we can use magic, we can use magic and not attract attention. It wasn't a matter of being lazy, it was a matter of making them appear to fit in. Not that Brigade ever got anything more then how to take bullets.

Of course, it only went downhill from there. The canister bumped down the steps with a rattle before it started to blow out noxious gases. Thankfully, between her and Seb, they created a bubble of clean air able to keep them from passing out. It didn't stop the blast from the bomb though. Brigade took the blunt of it, being in the front, but she wasn't far behind. The first blast, shrapnal and all was enough to send her to her feet in pain, but she held her ground. Thankfully she had worn the vest Smith had given her, and her normal sheilding spells. Thankfully the no combative members of the group had also worn vests. Dan would of killed her if Paige had gotten hurt worst then she had. Then the man came running down the stairs, young woman cradled in his arms, gun out. He shot Brigade when he wouldn't get out of the way, but Brigade, like always, just took it. Originally, the guy had offered a trade of the girl for one of the mages. Brigade volunteered. I don't think he expected, because all I know is next he declares he's going to keep her, and the gun turns on her, shooting her straight in the shoulder. Thank the goddess for kevlar.

Brigade doesn't like people other then him getting shot though. He took the opening and attacked the man, girl or no, knocking him out, despite the guy bitting him repeatedly. Soon the guy was out, of course, even though the bites stung, it took her telling Brigade to purge the posions for him to realise he was hurt.

Then he proceeded to argue about the withdrawl. Finally she ignored him and ordered... well asked in a demanding manner.. for a portal, and stepped through, taking the girl back to Raphael.

Her disquise ruined by the arguement with Brigade, she went to clean up and shifted her body to normal under the water, and headed down to wait for Azure to patch her up.

I remember when I met Mr Neimand. He offered, quite nicely, to "help me disappear." After his comment of only using mind magic on Sy, is there any wonder why I would never want to return to Seattle?

I want to smack Faust so hard it's not funny. Near killed himself because he wouldn't listen to me. I told him that I had a bad feeling about drowning. Instead he had to go tempt fate. If Brass hadn't been there, I might not of been able to save him myself. Is it bad I hope the pressure sickness makes him super sick so he learns his lesson.

It was also kind of creepy to find out that people have been using the chaperhouse like a high school make out party. The dorms and the kitchen I can sort of see, but having sex on the porch and on the window sill? Admitedly, I did kiss Torrent in the grass in the yard, but it was just a kiss, but I would of never had sex with him there.

Then there's Dan. I'm not sure what to think of him. He has what he calls Merlin's Sickness. I think I may of knew him in one of my past lives, but I can't be sure. I think I kind of creeped him out when I called him Dan. He difinately feels familiar. Apparently he had heard about me before we met. His exact words were "The Great Kendra, Tamer of Rivers. She's Wild." I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not. I mean it makes sense he has heard of me, being as he's Azure's student, I am just sitting here going huh. I don't think I am great by any means. I wonder what they mean by Wild.

things on the list are calming down. I really hate the feeling of being mostly useless at defending my own self. I really wish I could just mage nuke the entire city. Unlike them, though, I actually have morals. I am a good person. I will not be like them.

I really hate the idea of violence for the sake of violence. I can, and will fight, after all, I'm an AA. But there's a difference between fighting for the good of all, to defend someone, or even to protect your life,and hurting, maimimg, killing because you can.

I kind of feel like Cricket is setting up poor Sy. Ok, not so poor, he deserves what he gets, but it doesn't make it right. What she's doing is like a big sister letting the bullies beat up her little brother with the idea of it making him stronger

One day, one night, one moment,
my dreams could be, tomorrow.
One step, one fall, one falter,
east or west, over earth or by ocean.
One way to be my journey,
this way could be my Book of Days.

Ó lá go lá, mo thuras,
an bealach fada romham.
Ó oíche go hoíche, mo thuras,
na scéalta nach mbeidh a choích.

No day, no night, no moment,
can hold me back from trying.
One flag, One fall, One falter,
I'll find my day may be, Far and Away.
Far and Away.

One day, one night, one moment,
with a dream to believe in.
One step, one fall, one falter,
find a new earth across a wide ocean.
This way became my journey,
this day ends together, Far and Away.
This day ends together, Far and Away.
Far and Away.

So last night I called Billy. I can't bring myself to call him old man (Papa only.), just Billy, or kitty. Mr Cypress is apparently to old for even him. We talked about about Sy. I know that Sy said some pretty nasty things about me, but truthfully, I can't get to angry with him. As I said, Sy is newly awakened. his first mentor was Nyx. I don't remember much about Nyx, but I do know he had awakened while I was in Seattle, and was new himself. I do know two cabals failed under his leadership. I know at one point he was my mentor, and I got banished from the city. So how is he suppose to be raising a new mage to be a respectable member of society. While I agree that Sy needs to be taught better, I think that the only way it is going to happen, is if he was away from the influnce of Seattle.

I love how Cricket pretty much said they could do what they wanted to him, and as long as they didn't attract attention, or track mud over someone's doorstep she didn't care. She threw him to the wolves. Not just that, she bathed him in blood first. Billy reassures me that worse case is they will kick his ass, but even that... seems to extreme. Six months with a good mentor, and no outside influnce from the mages of Seattle, I think he'd be a much easier to put up with.

I only remember little details about Sy. He was Nyx's student at one point. He was part of the Anti Emo Society. He doesn't like me. I didn't remember that last one til his last asshat episode. I wonder how Cricket will harass him into behaving like a good little minion.

I can't remember anything at all about Nyx other then the last time I saw him. The rest of the info I have comes from emails. I've mostly given up on them. It's hard to fight when you can't remember why in the first place.

This was the last email I sent to the PSC list.

Normally when someone enters an oath, especially one that involves
their entire cabal, they are allowed to discuss the matter with their
cabal before. People should be allowed to talk to cabals, mentors,
and students before making major decisions that each of these would
normally have input in. No, people saying that they will do this for
you does not count, their input should be allowed before such things
are final.

My main reasons to protest the oath as written....

Giving your true name should never be done with people you don't
trust, or without the permission of your cabal.

One side of the oath should not be given an unfair advantage, such as
access to their cabal when the other side is not.

Oaths are not something that are taken lightly. If you can decide to
take one in an hour, perhaps you need to think the oath over again.

Oaths should never be forced. I know most of you would never feel that
this one was being forced or unfair, but an oath that is pushed
through with threats and intimidation is a very weak oath.

Truth be told, I would react as badly to someone raping one of cabal
or consilium mates as I would to them forcing an oath of them.

Do what you think is right, but know I refuse to be a victim.

I still don't get why Shin thinks I am like a little sister to him. I'm a bit hurt by it. Little sisters are... defenseless.. annoying.. cute. Things I am not. Or at least try not to be. Living in the woods, living in Seattle taught me one thing. You can only depend on yourself. I don't want to be someone's little sister. I do have big brothers... funny how I can remember that now. Like remembering my name finally, or my birthday. I don't let them treat me like a kid either. Sometimes... I wish I had the other life. Perhaps if I had he wouldn't think of me as a kid. The other Kendra had a lot more respect. Funny enough, that's what killed her. Why is it that I am forever doomed to die for doing the right thing?



Wave After Wave

Wave after wave rolls on
And the water falls
And the line is drawn
Wave after wave rolls in
And the line is gone
Where my feet have been

Hills that I know are there
Hidden from my view
By the misty air
Light shining through the gray
Turns the water deep
Shades of lilac blue

Music in every sound
Light beyond each cloud
Hope in every dream
Songs like a healing breeze
Every breath inhale
And the goodness feel

I witness the power, great mystery telling
In every moment with every swelling wave
I feel the depth of your love and devotion
My heart like the bird that dives into this ocean blue

Songs like a healing breeze

Lanes that have brought me here
Framed in season flowers
Lined in summer green
Music in every sound
Light beyond each cloud
Hope in every dream

Songs like a healing breeze
Every breath inhale
And the goodness feel
Rise from the bird above
From the flower below
In a song of love

Light shining through the gray
Turns the water deep
Shades of lilac blue
Music in every sound
Light beyond each cloud
Hope in every dream

Every breath inhale
And the goodness feel
Rise from the bird above
From the flower below
In a song of love

 

Sundays are always slow for me. Most of the restless, as Father Compatioo calls them, have other ways to spend the seventh day. Today I decided it was a good day to find something to do myself. I managed to find myself at noon services. I haven't been to them since mother's death. It's funny.. how you can remember something that never happened, isn't it? I know very well this world,  Kendra, me, hasn't seem Mother since running away.  Yet I can still remember the white dress that the other Kendra wore on her 16th birthday, the day she was initiated as Vox Darconis. I remember Mother smiling down at us, so proud of who we had become. I wish my mother had ever smiled down on me like that. It's hard to separate my memories from hers. More so then the memories and dreams of the past. This is just that much more vivid then the dreams. I know I can't even remember everything from this life, her memories overlap in mine, fill in the holes, but it doesn't make me whole.

Somehow, going to services made me feel better. I may not be a good Catholic, but the dogma is reassuring. I went home feeling more grounded then I have in a while. I may not be able to separate myself from her, but she would of found it reassuring too. When I got home, I gave myself a treat of feta. I wasn't joking when I asked Zohar for a goat. Sure, I wont get one, but goat's milk and cheese are some of my favorite foods. Somehow, with all the comforting things, and time to myself, I feel more like myself.